Acute Lead Poisoning: a gunshot wound
Acute Lead Poisoning, Air-conditioned: multiple gunshot wounds
ADASTW: arrived dead and stayed that way
AGA: acute gravity attack (aka falling over)
APD: acute prozac deficiency (depression)
APTFRAN: Apply pillow to face, repeat as necessary
ALS: absolute loss of sanity (aka bat shit crazy)
ART/DRT: approaching room temperature/dead right there
ATFO: asked to fuck off
Banana: patient with jaundice
Bottle Return: removing a bottle lodged in the anal canal
BS: a call on someone with an overactive imagination
BVA: breathing valuable air
Chrome Induced Ischemia: a patient who develops inexplicable chest pains when handcuffed
and arrested.
Cockroach Factor: a patient's ability to survive trauma or serious treatment in inversely
proportionate to his contribution to society.
Cranial Rectosis: a shit head
CTD: circling the drain
CCFCCP: Cuckoo for Coco Puffs (bat shit crazy)
Discharged Downstairs: transfered to morgue
Double-O Doc: As in OO-7, as in a doctor with a license to kill. A terrible doctor.
DMFNFTL: dumb mother fucker not fit to live
DTPL: discharge to parking lot
Incarceritis: acute onset illness of variable nature, occurring 72-48 hours before the patient is
going to jail.
FDGB: fall down, go boom
FDSTW: found dead, stayed that way
FOS: full of shit, see BS
FFFF: fat fertile female fourty
FUBAR: fucked up beyond all repair, fucked up beyond all recognition
GOMER: get out of my emergency room
GPO: good for parts only (terminal case)
HONDA: hispanic obese non-insulin dependent with asthma
LOFD: looks OK from door
MFC: measure for coffin
Seeker: people who use ambulances the some people use taxis and hospitals as their own person on-call pharmacy, usually a fibromyaleur, chronic migrane sufferer, tooth-acher, or back-painer; claims to be deathly allergic to all non-narcotic pain medicines, and sometimes even specific doeses (as in, I'm allergic to the 5/325 percocets, I can only take the 10/325's).
SITA: shot in the ass
SPAK: status post ass-kicking
SOTCMMOB: standing on the corner minding my own business, as in "I was just SOTCMMOB
when these two dudes jumped me and put a lone star beer bottle up my rear end, and that's
how it got there."
Status Hispanicus: (aka Hispanic Panic, Cuban Conniptions) A condition common in hispanic females of all ages, and less commonly in younger hispanic males. Traditionally occurs in the puerto rican, dominican and cuban populations, less commonly among the mexican. A term occasionally used by other hispanics. Refers to condition secondary to an severe emotional shock, resulting in either a total catatonic state or hysterics involving "Eye yieye yieye yieye yieye!".
TTJ: transfer to jesus
TTTTTT: (aka 6T, the 6 risk factors for snake bites) toothless, testosterone, tank top, pickup
truck, tattooed, intoxicated*
VAD: vitamin A(ntivan) deficiency
VOMIT: victim of medical imaging technology
*if you cannot remember all 6 't' risk factors for snake bite, another good predictor is a low tooth-to-tattoo ratio.
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