Ah, the Internet

It's amazing how far apart we are from each other when it comes to technology- the phone, the computer- a mess of copper wires and circuit boards and plastic and crap, and suddenly something as natural and intimate as a conversation... well, it just isn't the same.

I just wish that I had some way to control the anxiety that I feel about everything right now. It's just such a frustrating feeling, to be teetering on the brink of something so terrible, and to have no control over the outcome.

To not be able to change anything.

I just feel unbelievably sad.

And I know, really, plenty of people have told me that I'm just being melodramatic and that I should just get over it-- well, trust me, I want you to try living through it and then tell me what the fuck you think you would do. Cause you have got to go there to come back, motherfuckers.

And man, it hurts.

I know, in the grand picture of things you, me or anyone else could have their ticket punched tomorrow in an accident or whatever, and so forth.

But sometimes it just hits me, and it's so lonely it hurts. I just wish I didn't feel so alone in being afraid.

My test is on Monday.