09-08-08

So, I guess there isn't any going back now. 

I just wanted to make one thing clear: while I know it probably doesn't mean much, but I am going to really starting living. I'm going to do it, no matter what color I bleed. I am going to do it, period. 

I know that whatever I write here, whatever I do, whatever God I appeal to (and I'm appealing to them all, by the way), or however much I laugh or cry or beg or plead- nothing is going to change what is in the mail for me: good or bad. It's just done. 

All I can do now is live today. And tomorrow. And the day after that. All I can now is make the most of now.  

And I promise you: merciful God; I don't know if I deserve it, but I want it so bad. All I can do is appreciate what I have. 

I know that most of all, I am going to be okay. I know that however everything comes out, I am still going to be me, and that I am still going to be in control of how I live my life. And I know that however everything comes out, I'm still grateful for what I'm blessed with, and that for fucking sure: I am going to make the most out of every day. 

"Cause lovin', is what I got. I said remember that- lovin' is what I got, I got, I got, I GOT..." (Mr. Bradley Nowell)